This week, 'Therapy Begins with T(ea)' steeps on the process of 'growth' and 'healing' using the post-traumatic growth trajectory and offers a full body check-in to help you identify where you are in your healing.
Therapy Begins with T(ea) is a weekly newsletter based on the themes that come up in my sessions as a therapist who specializes in conflict & attachment in romantic relationships, shame & imposter syndrome, and our psychological relationships with money. Each week consists of a 'steep' in thought reflection, an accompanying body based check-in, and tea card intentions for the week to come. Its intended use is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment.
'Steep' in Thought (3-5 min)
What does it mean to grow?
We’re surrounded by reminders of growth. From self-help books to financial planning. In productivity & performance goals at work. In follower & subscriber counts and in getting older. In nature, even. We talk a lot about growth in regard to mental & emotional wellness, but what does it really mean? And how do we know if we’re doing it?
To help us understand this process more, let’s look at the stages of post-traumatic growth.
*These same basic stages can apply to personal adversity if ‘trauma’ is not digestible to you
The Post-Traumatic Growth Trajectory
Pre-Trauma Self: this is known as the previous self, the version of us before we experienced the trauma we’re comparing growth to
Traumatic Event: remember that trauma is as much what happens inside of us (the wounds that form) as what happens to us; trauma includes the event itself, the way we experience the traumatic event, and the effects of it.
Recovery: in this first stage post trauma, we are focused on distancing ourself from the trauma; our main goals are safety, stability, and physiological re-regulation. Coping skills begin to form.
Resilience: this stage is marked by re-acclimation, of ‘feeling like ourselves again.’ Having recovered from the crisis of the trauma, we’re ‘back’ to normal life. Our coping skills have solidified into protector parts and we see the world differently. We have adapted.
Post-Traumatic Growth: while resilience is about feeling like our sense of self has been restored, this stage of growth is about evolving past our pre-trauma Self. It marks the process of understanding, grieving, and letting go of held-on fears and wounds that were triggered by the trauma, but began before it (‘unfinished business’). It involves positive psychological changes to the ways we relate to ourselves and the world, including greater appreciation for life, more fulfilling interpersonal relationships, and increased Self energy.
In these stages of growth, where do you see yourself? Use this week’s full body check-in to help you understand your own growth trajectory.
Full Body Check-In (2-4 min)
In through the nose, out through the mouth. And repeat. The most direct way to re-connect our mind and body is through our breath. When we inhale, the air that comes in through our nose travels down our throat into our lungs and torso, literally connecting our head with the rest of our body. Take a moment to really sink into your breath and focus on that connection. Notice how it builds a sense of presence and groundedness in your body.
As you read today’s Steep about the stages of growth, what resonated with you? As you focused on each stage, what memories came to mind? Where, in your body, do you feel ‘recovery’? What does ‘resilience’ feel like, literally in sensation and emotionally? Growth? Was there a particular trauma or difficult situation that was evoked? Check in with yourself and see if this is a trauma you can spend some time reflecting on. If not, just focus on your breath today for the check-in.
If you want to spend time with it, take a breath and continue this exercise.
Imagine yourself reading through a scrapbook of your life and, if you can tolerate it, of this trauma. Imagine each stage of post-traumatic growth as a page in this scrapbook. Start with the pre-trauma Self page. What do you see? What memories and images are on this page? How do you feel towards that version of you? When you’re ready, flip to the next page. If you can tolerate it, acknowledge the trauma; if not, please skip through as much as you need to and re-focus on your breath.
Now turn to the next page, recovery. Reflect on what’s recorded on this page, what you see. What images, memories, and emotions are part of ‘recovery’ for you? Keep breathing. When you turn the page to ‘resilience,’ what do you see? What is recorded here? How do you feel towards this version of you?
And when you turn the page to ‘PT Growth,’ what is there? For some, it may be blank, as you’re still in ‘resilience’ stage. For others, it’s partially filled because you’re there now. There are no wrong answers here. Remind yourself that there is no competition. This is just to help you understand where in your growth journey you are. Keep breathing.
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